This is officially a protest.

From the time I first met you I didn’t like you.

I know, I know, it’s odd. Most parents adore you. Not this one.

When you first came to me you crept in, sneaky and disguised. How did you get past me so quickly? My son, home from school, was joyful and ready to play! He’d worked hard all day long, from 8:30 to 3. Can’t a boy have time to rest? I sent him outside, knowing that 8-year-old boys need to get dirty and sweaty! It’s a daily routine in this household. Get up, go to school, come home, go outside, get dirty and sweaty, come inside, eat dinner, take a bath, read books and go to sleep…plain and simple. That is, until you came along. Who are you?

You are my son’s second grade homework!

I used to think you were necessary. Back in the day when I taught first grade, I thought surely you were important. What are we trying to teach these kids anyway? Don’t we want them to develop character and work ethic so they can be prepared for the future? Don’t they need responsibility and the chance to be put to the test? Once, I was your biggest fan. Now? I despise you.

Why all the fuss, you ask? Why do I have such strong dislike? Well, let me explain.  You confuse me, and you make my life hard. I don’t understand you. You are much different than when I was a kid. Back then you were simple. Today? Today you are confusing and hard and I simply do not understand how to figure you out. You are making me a poor example to my child, who needs my help understanding you. Although he is smart and hard working, you simply confuse and discourage him. He grunts and groans his way through you every single night, looking to me to take you away. I have pulled out all of my tricks yet you still put a damper on me every single night.

I’ve tried explaining your importance to my son who simply does not comprehend why he should spend one hour doing homework after a full day’s work at school. Who can argue that?

I’ve tried bribery. Yes, my confession is out. I have actually given my child handfuls of chocolate chips just so he will finish you. I have also given him root beer. What child drinks root beer right before bed? Apparently, mine does.

I have tried to simplify you but frankly, most nights I don’t even understand you myself. How do you simplify something you don’t understand?

Back in the “old days,” when I was a kid, you were simple and easy and only took about 15 minutes to complete. I know, I know, most old folk tell stories about how much harder life was for them when they were a kid. Not this old folk. This “old folk” remembers playing outside after school. Building forts and flying kites, dressing up and having “clubs.” Now a day it’s a different story.

I beg you to leave me alone. Leave my son alone. If you don’t, I shall turn you over to my husband.